“Is this too sad to send to my mailing list?”
That’s a real subject line of a real email I sent my mother earlier this week, its contents expounding the sadness I’ve been experiencing lately on micro and macro levels and the sense of peace it leaves in me, this strange confluence of a mysterious grief with abundant hope.
Last year was many kinds of difficult for many, many people. This we know, right? Have we found one of those rare statements that's actually universal?
In this difficulty, through this difficulty, thanks to or despite or in spite of this difficulty, I’ve found myself in healing that I didn’t know I needed it, maybe because I didn’t until now. This healing opens doorways to more of itself, which doesn’t always make things easier or nicer, but does make my life fuller, deeper, and though sometimes painful, also somehow very whole. I didn’t ask for it or manifest it or resolution it or intention it. Instead it landed in my lap, grabbed my hand, and took off running, and thanks to some wonderful humans, some stubbornness, and a big dose of privilege, I was able to run alongside it.
And yes, here I am, offering up a list of what helped me last year and that I'm continuing into this year. You can find that right here.
Don't click that link unless you want to.
Not unless your curiosity stems from "could" rather than "should."
Why?
First, I'm talking about what worked for me. That's it. I'm a tarot pro, not a psych pro, and this isn't even about tarot.
Second, because if healing hasn’t landed in your lap, or if it did and you needed to just shove it to the floor for the moment, that’s cool too. Not every resource is going to be right all the time. I was talking with a friend studying to become an actual therapist about the times when digging into spicy memory, or facing trauma head on, or let's be real, putting so much money down each week, is not necessarily the next best right step. Hopefully a solid therapist will help navigate those waves, honoring your window of tolerance. But sometimes a not-so-solid therapist can be worse than no therapist at all.
It was only a matter of time, but I'm gonna quote Glennon Doyle. "Stop asking people for directions to places they've never been." Your healing journey is your own, and no one newsletter, TikTok account, listicle, self help book, app, psychological study, or even a badass therapist can join you on that whole long road. You get to find your blend, through trial and error, and trying again, and taking a break, and trying again.
All this said, I will always, always nudge folks to give therapy a try. If you are concerned about access, maybe check out this resource.
Here’s to high hopes for 2022, as well as a reminder that the Gregorian calendar is arbitrary AF and we get to have new beginnings any day of the year.
from New Moon Newsletter No. 11