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Slowing Down

Many of you know that the name of the game for me these last few months has been to stop. Stop forcing myself into action when I need rest. Stop demanding productivity when I need rest. Stop the breakneck pace at which I've lived my life, and try something different.

Last week, I felt what was like a first step back into motion. This week, it came to a grinding halt along with my hormones grinding away behind the scenes. The question stands: can I start moving again without breaking out in the sprint that I'm used to? Can I learn to go slow? Can I embrace the cycle I get so hot and bothered about when supporting others? It reminds me of my mother teaching her dog to try and go for walks without tugging on the leash. The constant stop and start, how good Phoebe is when she comes to a halt, sits, looks up at my mother with a smile, gets a treat. Then as soon as we start to move again, off she goes, tugging at her own little body, curiosity driving her beyond comfort. I am mother and pupper in one, teaching myself how to walk instead of run, how to greet the world with a tender, gentle curiosity rather than the anxious tug to understand. And I treat myself with peanut butter and cheese along the way.

from New Moon Newsletter No. 14


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